Day 44: 154 lbs

154! Only two more pounds until I hit my 20 lb milestone. How exciting! No more appetizers, at least like I was eating. Appetizers are so inviting. I love wings, especially now when football is on. There's nothing more fun than hanging out with friends, watching the game and eating wings.

I was looking for weight loss inspiration on the web recently, or as another blog calls it, 'Thinspiration'. So many girls fall victim to becoming utterly obsessed with trying to be anorexic or sickly because they feel they have to be in order to be loved. It's terrible. My heart goes out to everyone out there who has emotional eating disorders, such as myself. When I was in LA, I went to the gym and tried dieting, even tried having the 5-factor-diet delivered to my house. It didn't work. I gained nearly forty pounds between 1/09-1/10. Why?

When it comes to weight loss, you must realize what weight really is. My acting coach in LA, John Coppola of Studio C artists, was my Glinda or good witch. He helped me more than he will ever know. The way he coached his actors was a form of archetypal study. Every week, I would meditate and literally 'meet' a fictitious alternate-personality who resided within myself. One of these was my saboteur.
My saboteur was a biker boot wearing, Johnny Cash type of guy. He would make sure I'd lose my keys before an audition or would get into an accident on the way to a production. He helped make sure I failed. Once I 'met' him, I could isolate him and take away his power. When this happened, I started realizing how much he had effected my life and my life began to change for the better.
That's when I met HER, my gluttonous fat and lazy archetype. She would sit on the couch and watch TV, smile and whisper things in my ear like, 'Stay inside today. You can go outside tomorrow. Skip the gym. Make an entire batch of rosemary potatoes and eat enough to feed a small army. Then throw it up.'

If you even have the slightest attachment to food, then you must confront the person who destroys your potential! Close your eyes, envision yourself surrounded by a glowing light, finally from the ground up, you will see this archetypal character before you. Meet him or her, ask questions, find out why you've been hiding from your potential and take away the saboteurs power!

Post traumatic stress, losing a loved one, and peer pressure can be sabotaging your happiness. Don't let it. This weight loss is about you and only you. It's not a contest, it's not about jealousy of others or of yourself, it's a letting go. Letting go is the most important step.

I had been hiding behind my weight gain for some time but by adding even a 10 minute meditation or talk with friends about inner feelings, will help you become healthy mentally so you can move forward in being healthy physically.

It took me awhile to realize just how important this is because you can't change, if you can't find a problem!

Now that I have established my stance on the psychological process of losing weight. I will soon share philosophies on Thinspiration which must be viewed with a healthy mind.