Day 58: 156 lbs the plateau

What an awful, terrible thing. the weight loss plateau. Maybe it was because of the holiday season, either way. That time of year is stressful no matter what religion you follow. Just being a human during the holidays is stressful enough. There's 'Holiday soiree's', family functions or as I call them, dysfunctions, and shopping? Forget it. Next year, everyone is getting a huge hug and THAT'S IT.
Malls become reckless epicenters of anxiety! How can you enjoy spending time with loved ones when it's all about buying and fighting for store bought goods? No wonder so many people become intoxicated during the holidays. So dangerous. I think we need to re-evaluate the real importance of these things!

Recently, we had our dysfunctional family dinner. It's always a really delicious event. It's easy to become tempted into gorging myself with mashed potatoes (my fav) and gravy. I could commit carbicide! Instead, it's good to use that old trick: Drink a full glass of water before eating. I know it sounds cliche but it helps. Turkey is great, even a little stuffing is okay but be careful to avoid more than a fist measurement of carbs and tasty bad stuffs.

HOLIDAYS ARE THE ENEMY. It is crucial that you remember that a moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. If you see the amazing spread of food as an opportunity to gluttonize, then your eyes will sabotage your game. Keep your game on, focus on the reason you're there in the first place. Conversation and sharing with loved ones. Don't zone out in temptation.

Stay on the path. I will break this plateau. I WILL break this plateau.

Day 44: 154 lbs

154! Only two more pounds until I hit my 20 lb milestone. How exciting! No more appetizers, at least like I was eating. Appetizers are so inviting. I love wings, especially now when football is on. There's nothing more fun than hanging out with friends, watching the game and eating wings.

I was looking for weight loss inspiration on the web recently, or as another blog calls it, 'Thinspiration'. So many girls fall victim to becoming utterly obsessed with trying to be anorexic or sickly because they feel they have to be in order to be loved. It's terrible. My heart goes out to everyone out there who has emotional eating disorders, such as myself. When I was in LA, I went to the gym and tried dieting, even tried having the 5-factor-diet delivered to my house. It didn't work. I gained nearly forty pounds between 1/09-1/10. Why?

When it comes to weight loss, you must realize what weight really is. My acting coach in LA, John Coppola of Studio C artists, was my Glinda or good witch. He helped me more than he will ever know. The way he coached his actors was a form of archetypal study. Every week, I would meditate and literally 'meet' a fictitious alternate-personality who resided within myself. One of these was my saboteur.
My saboteur was a biker boot wearing, Johnny Cash type of guy. He would make sure I'd lose my keys before an audition or would get into an accident on the way to a production. He helped make sure I failed. Once I 'met' him, I could isolate him and take away his power. When this happened, I started realizing how much he had effected my life and my life began to change for the better.
That's when I met HER, my gluttonous fat and lazy archetype. She would sit on the couch and watch TV, smile and whisper things in my ear like, 'Stay inside today. You can go outside tomorrow. Skip the gym. Make an entire batch of rosemary potatoes and eat enough to feed a small army. Then throw it up.'

If you even have the slightest attachment to food, then you must confront the person who destroys your potential! Close your eyes, envision yourself surrounded by a glowing light, finally from the ground up, you will see this archetypal character before you. Meet him or her, ask questions, find out why you've been hiding from your potential and take away the saboteurs power!

Post traumatic stress, losing a loved one, and peer pressure can be sabotaging your happiness. Don't let it. This weight loss is about you and only you. It's not a contest, it's not about jealousy of others or of yourself, it's a letting go. Letting go is the most important step.

I had been hiding behind my weight gain for some time but by adding even a 10 minute meditation or talk with friends about inner feelings, will help you become healthy mentally so you can move forward in being healthy physically.

It took me awhile to realize just how important this is because you can't change, if you can't find a problem!

Now that I have established my stance on the psychological process of losing weight. I will soon share philosophies on Thinspiration which must be viewed with a healthy mind.

Day 37: 156.5 LBS

I can finally wear my cute Size 12 stretch jeans.

I hit the gym only twice this week and still lost a lot of weight. I think most of it is just water weight. I hope I can keep this going. I fluctuate every day and I just don't understand why one day these jeans button and the other day they don't...

Oh maybe because today's photo is outside of a cheap steak house...

Today's stats:

Gym: Nope
Breakfast: 3 egg white omelet with cheddar cheese, ham, and spinach.
Lunch: Starbucks black coffee with sugar-free hazelnut
Dinner: Porterhouse steak, marinated. Baked potato, French Onion Soup, and WINGS.

Day: 30 159.5 Size 12

FINALLY, I'm in the 150's! After Thanksgiving even!

Here's today's stats:

Weight 159.5
Cardio: 40 min Elliptical 5 resistance
Strength: Leg machines

I'm starting to get used to this whole gym thing. I'm actually developing sort of a routine here.
I make sure to go to the gym at least 3x a week and try to fit in my two meals a day...

Lunch
Healthy Request Italian Wedding soup

Dinner:
.5 lb Flank steak with fries and a side salad

Day 23: 165 LBS Size 12/14

Being fat sucks. Twenty-three days of on/off going to the gym and it's hard to find motivation to go. I'm pretty happy that I lost at least a few pounds. I can almost fit back into my stretchy black Armani jeans.

I look terrible...I hate these damn full length photos. I rolled out of bed and snapped a photo. I'm bloated! =[

I've cut down on carbs and basically stopped going out to eat AS-MUCH as I was.






Here's today's stats:
Weight: 165
Size: 12/14

Cardio: 35 min elliptical
Strength: None

Day: 4 The Before Photo

This is one of the last full body shots of myself.. since that vacation last May...I've become the floating head. I've maintained around this same weight.

Height: 5'7
Weight: 170

This is actually a 'good' photo.

Day 3:

Today, I did better. I drank Starbucks black coffee with sugar-free hazelnut syrup and had enough energy to go to the gym.
I did a resistance of 4 on the elliptical.

I'm 171.5

Are you supposed to weigh yourself every day? I do. I don't care. I want to know how I'm doing.

I had a job interview today. I was so embarrassed. When I got back into my car after the interview, I noticed my black stretch pants had split down the crotch.

It's definitely not a hot look. I hope no one noticed. Now the only clothes I can wear are from NY&Co.

I have to change. They say dramatic weight loss always comes back to haunt you but I don't care. I'd give anything to be back in size 12 jeans, AT LEAST.

I'm afraid to post my 'Before' picture, or even put a measuring tape around me. I know my bust is a tight 36, my waist probably a 30-something, and my hips? 42? Maybe more...

Tomorrow, I'll post my 'Before'

Day 2:

I'm a little sore...

Weight: 171 lbs
Cardio: 30 min of Elliptical with the resistance on 3
Strength: Leg machines, inner/outer thighs

This isn't as easy as I remembered. Today, the scale reads 171 but I feel like 185. I'm bloated, tired, and would much rather cruise Marshall's sale racks than go to the gym today.


I went to the diner and ate chicken nuggets and fries, and a french onion soup. That was my only meal.
I know it's not healthy but it's not easy to hang out with friends who want to go out to eat as a social thing.

Day 1: 172.5 LBS - Time to change.

Stats:

Height: 5'7
Weight: 172.5
Size: Extra large/14


The alarm rang this morning at 10 a.m., yes, I need an alarm to wake me up at 10 a.m. Truth is, I have been totally exhausted and for no valid reason. I admire the 5 a.m. gym goers, the preppy girls who can actually go to bed at a decent hour. I eat my dinners in front of my 52' LCD flat screen, I could easily inhale an entire flank steak and bowl of french fries. It has been months since I went to the gym and worked out, or read rag mags on the treadmill.

Tired and hungry. With the holiday season already approaching, I can't even stomach the thought of gaining another 10 lbs.
Why?

I can't button my STRETCH PANTS. Jeans have been out of the question for awhile now. There's no such thing as cute size 14 jeans.
Yes, big and beautiful women do exist but my body is an uneven façade. A decently attractive and somewhat slender face on a wide load of a behind.

My closet? My closet is somewhat empty. Empty because my size 8 'skinny jeans' have been put into storage for the last three years. It upsets me. I used to have so many clothes. I gained 40 lbs after a break up.

I've had it. I'm sick and tired of being overweight, tired, and wearing the same boring black stretch clothes.
I'm sick of hiding behind my weight.

Since I was fifteen, I've written a specific goal weight in the entries of my Moleskine journal. 125 lbs.
Goal weight: 125 lbs. Endless goal lists have read 125 lbs. Always 125 lbs. I never achieved that goal.

I want it so bad, I can taste it. I've never been slimmer than a largely cut size 8. I know I can.

I'm ready to get started. Off to the gym I go! Wish me luck!!